"That's so Gay" and my dismay....

Australia is a great country.  The last time I lived there was 2000.  I have lived in the US for 10 years and I am moving home in May this year.  I went home at Christmas and started to create a paper trail, looked at some real estate and begin to lay the foundations for my new life.  I made connections to two communities which are vital to me - the knitting community and the Enneagram community.  I was able to spend time with my family.  I had not been home for two years.  In the lead up to my arrival I was anxious about being with my family.  I have hardly been with them for 10 years. 

One thing I was not prepared for, is how much I had changed.  I had some anxiety upon arrival and felt that my family were different, I realised it was me who had changed.  They say you can never go home.  I never really understood that saying until now.  I am moving home to my native Australia and find myself a foreigner in some ways. 

I am faced with having to deal with some issues and I am not sure how to.  Last night I posted something fairly innocuous about purchasing a Kindle on facebook, there were a string of comments, one of them from my brother.  He is sensitive, funny, we are extremely close.  He has a huge heart and helps anyone in need.  He replied to the facebook post and made the comment “that is so gay”.  When I read his reply I could hear his voice in my mind as if he were talking to me BUT I have gay and lesbian friends on facebook and I was mortified.

When I was home at Christmas there were other instances where my family displayed some minor and major racist and homophobic comments.  It was not just my family but I found a level of racism and homophobia generally in Australia.   I remember my perfect beautiful country as having some blemishes, turns out upon return I have to deal with some major flaws of my beloved country.

I have been politically active while in the US.  I am a tree hugging lefty liberal.  I have some great friends who are republican - we agree to disagree.  I know there are racist and homophobic people, I was just never conscious that my family is to one degree or another.  And to that extent why do I judge my family more harshly?

As I dive into the family pool in May of this year, I am confused/ stymied as to how to react. 

The bigger issue is the facebook incident, I want to ring my brother and let him know how inappropriate his comment was.  I don’t know why that seems so hard.  It seems this conversation is going to be practice for what I will inevitably have to deal with when I go home.

A Knitted Peace

Knitting through it 

I have been knitting for about a year. I love it.  It brings me a sense of peace that I only find on my yoga mat. 

About 6 months after I had started knitting a lady at my local knitting store said to me "well you've certainly hitched your horse to the right wagon".  There is lots of wisdom in a knitting store and lots of wisdom in knitting.  I have learnt there are people who knit and then there are knitters.  I'm a knitter.  If I'm surrounded by other people knitting, I want to know what they are knitting, who for and all importantly ask to 'feel it'.  There is something nurturing about entering a yarn store and feeling and touching skein upon skein of yarn.  Seductively tactile, brilliant colors, the possibility of a project.  Who to knit it for? Would I wear it?

There is lots of 'laws' amongst knitters.  The universal and golden rule is never knit for a man unless you are married.  Apparently the relationship is doomed if you knit something for a boyfriend or a new paramour.  I recently met an older lady; she had a great love affair.  He was not ready for marriage so they broke up. She married, had kids and then she divorced.  Her great love married and divorced, he never had kids.  45 years later they have reconnected and are back together.  In knitting folklore, it appears it was the knitting of a sweater for Christmas 46 years earlier, which is the reason for the original break up.

One of things I love is seeing yarn that reminds of a person, designing a project or garment and then knitting for the original person I had in mind.  I have been chided many many times at my local yarn store for knitting too much for others.  I give my knitted pieces away too easily.  I am asked how much do you love that person? do they love you?  Will they treasure what you give them?  This was a hard concept for me to grasp but one now that I am invested in.  Whether knitting or in life, authentic relationships are hard to find.  How often do we go out with someone when all we really feel like doing is taking a nap or just being at home and nurturing ourselves?  We give away energy in our lives far too easily and often. 

Knitting has given me many gifts, both external and internal.  There is an intrinsic feeling of re-wiring my brain when I learn a new method of casting on, learn a new technique or when I learnt how to knit in the front and the back of a stitch; it is almost as if I am teaching myself how to take something old in my life and look at it in a different light.  When I'm stressed I want to knit, when I'm happy the stitches fly effortlessly off my needles.  In my earlier work, I could see my life in stitches.  I had knitted a scarf and the tension in my life translated to the tension in my knitting.   My work now is far more measured. I am learning to manage tension in my life differently.  Tension and gauge are important terms when knitting.  Every project starts out with yarn and needles but what size needles depend on your tension and gauge.  As in life, your tension and gauge in your relationships and work life determine the outcome of any situation. 

My life has been chaotic, fast paced and filled with tension the past 5 years.  I have just left that phase of my life. I have just cast on a new project.  I am using size 2 needles – teeny, tiny needles – the project is going to take much longer to finish with such small needles.  This piece I’m knitting is giving me peace, teaching me to slow down and enjoy the process and pace.  I have something else going (as all knitters do), its on size 15 needles and I can finish it in a week but the slow, tranquil and pale purple project on size 2 needles (which will take months to finish) is giving me so much joy.  A great lesson to slow down, enjoy.  Cultivate.